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A wrapup for interested geeks:
The Portland Adult Soapbox Derby
A couple of weekends ago was the 6th Annual Portland Adult Soapbox Derby, and I thought I'd share.
Crazy alcoholics from all over the city gather to hurtle themselves down an almost 1-mile run in rickety homemade gravity-powered vehicles.
Unlike many adult derbies, there are almost no rules.
The rules in effect are:
all vehicles must have brakes - no Flintstones.
All vehicles must have at least 3 wheels, no upper limit on wheels.
Cars can't be over 300 lbs.
Parts have to cost under $300.
Helmets required.
That's about it.
Diamanda Galas once said Portland has more freaks per capita than anywhere in the country.
I dubbed these guys "Team Fat Guy" - I was afraid to ask them what their real name was.
"The Professor" and his homemade street luge was well-loved by the crowd, and smoked almost every race, but was eventually disqualified due to the fact he ignored the "vehicles must have brakes" rule.
This guy piloted the "Dung Beetle" - one of the art cars.
The "Dung Beetle" had a stereo built in, and played "Flight of the Valkyries" as it made its run.
I'm guessing this car's name is "Roadkill". Note the beer holder. Many cars had them - consumption of large of amounts of beer was encouraged by all participants and observers alike.
Speaking of beer... the "Pabstmobile" actually flipped completely over at one point during the poker round.
The poker round goes like this - cards are thrown all over the course, and racers have to pick up cards on their way down to the finish line.
The racer with the best poker hand at the end wins.
The "Pabstmobile" won this round with 4 9's, even though they didn't make it to the finish line.
The drivers of this tank-like car had a pretty good approach for grabbing cards - a ball of duct-tape at the end of a long stick picked cards off the street with almost no effort.
 
This car was pretty sweet looking, and almost as fast as the Professor.
The Professor tries to outrun a water balloon during the Gauntlet run.
The Gauntlet run involved water balloons being distributed to audience members, and hay bales being randomly placed on the track (can't have those cars outracing the balloons!).
Some people brought squirt guns, and a few fire extinguishers were in attendance too.
Here, the "Pabstmobile" gets plowed point-blank.
"Team Fat Guy" had the right idea for the Gauntlet run.
What's a "sporting event" without cheerleaders? Say what you will, but I'll take 30-year-old cheerleaders with beer over any other kind.
The beerleaders cheer on "Roadkill" to the finish line during the poker run.
Here's some plain vehicle photos:
This Woody was obviously the most lovingly crafted car of the event. It lost a wheel late in the day, though.
 
This motorcycle-based baby didn't do too bad, and looked hella cool.
"Vlad the Impaler" - note "blood" on the tip.
Um, I think you need to be 21 to participate, little fella....
"The Mosquito" was nice and shiny and pointy, but looked kinda sloppily constructed.
I don't think I ever saw this car race. Maybe I was distracted by the Dung Beetle.
And to wrap it up - you're really glad I didn't get the other side of this shot.
"Team Fat Guy" seemed to have a problem with costume creep, and mooned everyone along the whole track.
- Tim Tate [8/29/00]
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